Life isn’t always fair. Divorce most certainly challenges your concept of what is fair, however, if you can work together to come to an agreement you will at least save a small fortune on legal fees.

Don’t lose sight of reality and get caught up in point scoring, sometimes you have to cut your losses and take the opportunity to get on with your life. Your relationship is over how much more of your life do you want to spend arguing with your ex.

Life after divorce can be good – I know, I’m living it.

How do you deal with the aftermath of divorce? Some couples go their separate ways through a mutual decision – those who view it as unavoidable and inevitable, the natural end to a partnership that for various reasons simply did not work out. They are the lucky ones. For most divorced couples, what comes after may be even harder than the proceedings.

So how do you get through it?

Get a support group. This could mean other family members, or friends. Having a strong network of friends and family will help you get through this difficult time. Talking about whatever you are experiencing also helps ease the burden.

Write it all down. Never underestimate the power of putting it all down on paper. Get a journal and just write, write, write. Don’t filter yourself, just let it all out. It will help you gain some clarity and insight, and also lift some weight off your shoulders. You’d be surprised about what you’ll learn from seeing your own thoughts articulated and jotted down.

Learn something new. Or get back into something you’ve neglected for a long time. Have you ever wanted to learn a new language? Now is the perfect time to do so. Have you been neglecting your garden, or ignoring the growing stack of books on your nightstand? Do something for yourself, and take time to enjoy something you genuinely love. You deserve it.

Get up, dust yourself off, and move on. This won’t come easy, but there will come a point when you will have to come to terms with the fact that your marriage has ended, and you’ll need to start rebuilding a life without your partner. No one ever gained anything by dwelling on the past. Focus on the future, and just keep going.

When it comes to loneliness, yes there were lonely days, there were sad days, angry days, frustrating days, but they were usually associated with looking back rather than forward.

Get up in the morning ready to accept the experiences the day has to offer, smile, the physical act of smiling changes your mood – it’s true, google it! Find someone to help, pay a compliment, make someone else feel good and you will soon feel good too.

Feeling lonely is often associated with focusing on yourself, are you going over and over past events, and you still looking for fault, are you still blaming? All of these things stop you from looking out and forward. Remember being alone is different from being lonely. Time alone is something that you need, it gives you time to relax, plan, enjoy music, paint, cook, sleep, meditate, you carry on and make your own list.

Being lonely happens to us all from time to time, the trick is to recognise it and deal with it. I find that getting busy or getting out is best. I go for a walk and I smile. If you walk where other people walk or where people walk dogs you can usually find someone to pass the time of day with. If you smile people will smile back. If your loneliness is deeper and you find yourself brooding on being lonely day after day and not able to get out to meet people you should have a chat with your health practitioner, you may be depressed.

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