This is a post I have ever seen in a forum and I want to say something about it. The following is the post.
“More than one month ago, I got to know a boyfriend who is a military officer. He divorced five years ago when his daughter was only 1 year old because of character clash. We had mixed in well for a month, and he treated me with grave courtesy. Later his brother came and maybe I failed to make a good reception, then he had always been concerned about that and a pimple forged in his heart.
Also, when I speak with him, he is very sensitive. Even I am only joking. He often thought that I was mocking him, ridiculing him and hurt him. In fact, these words I said were inadvertent, and I even forgot it shortly afterwards.
So he said that we should part because of character clash, and said the inadvertent words I said just interpreted my nature. I talked with him several times. I said that I could correct my shortcomings and temper, but he said he would not fall again in the same place, and he could not wait to see me gradually changed. He said he felt safe only around with his parents.
Although he has many friends and a very bright exterior, his heart is very lonely. I know his lonely heart and I love him and I want to take care of him and give him a warm home, make him happy without loneliness. How can I do? “
My opinion:
The reason that a person is lonely is that he refuses to let his bosom friends go into his heart, rather than he lacks bosom friends. So it is unrealistic and very difficult for a woman to reconstruct a man’s character that has already been formed for many years.
Therefore, in mate choice, the rational attitude is to pick a suitable one who really loves you. Do not dream to find a less appropriate one and then try your best to fit him into your wish. As for women, in mate choice, you must pick the finished products rather than the semi-finished products. You must not act before you have had a clear view in all aspects of a man and his personality in particularly. You alone have no power to reconstruct a man.
Then we take a look at this man and figure out he is suitable for you or not.
In the first place, the man is macho. He can be infinitely tolerant of relatives but call the shots in front of his lover. This type of man wants his wife to be absolutely obedient. If you are really married with him, you have to ask yourself if you really want to serve him and his relatives all your life.
Secondly, this man is sensitive and introversive. He can derive a lot of stuffs from only a bit of minutiae. If a man wants to make a woman happy, he must not be more trivial than a woman. Otherwise, he maybe makes you pity him and love him at the very start, but you’ll be sick of him when it comes to your whole life.
I dare say this man is one with the inferiority complex. Perhaps there still are hurt comes from his last marriage. Perhaps there are some other frustrations in his life; in short, there is no self-confidence deep in his heart.
He said that he felt safe only around with his parents. So this is a man without a sense of security.
Remember my word: a man without a sense of security never gives a woman a sense of security.
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