Have you ever had a man break up with you or pull away all of a sudden?
And you had no clue as to what caused it to happen?
Because as far as you could tell, everything was going great.
You were spending tons of time together. You had an amazing “connection”. And you KNEW that his feelings for you were real.
He might have even said the “L” word to you more than a few times.
LOVE.
But for some reason, he just pulled away one day. And it left you breathless and wondering what had just happened.
As the smoke cleared… and you started thinking back on it, you remembered that his behavior HAD changed awhile back.
And when it first did, it worried you. Actually, it worried you a lot. But you tried to ignore it.
And when you did say something to him about it, after it had been “eating at you” for a while, it only seemed to make things between you worse.
And he certainly didn’t agree with or understand where you were coming from or what you were upset about or afraid of.
So you tried to put it out of your mind and forget about it and hoped that it would just “go away” on its own.
But the more you did this, the more upset and frustrated you got, because you STILL felt like something wasn’t quite right underneath the surface.
Something was going on inside him. Something was making him withdraw from you physically and emotionally.
Something had happened… and he was feeling and acting differently with you as a result.
Something was wrong and you just couldn’t put your finger on what it was.
And THAT is when things started to go from bad to worse, and you started to feel and act OUT OF CONTROL.
The thoughts and feelings you were having overwhelmed you with FEAR.
FEAR that he might not find you as attractive as he used to.
FEAR that maybe there was someone else he was interested in.
And ultimately, the FEAR that he was getting ready to leave you… and you would lose him… forever.
So, to try and combat this fear, you started to act in ways that you NEVER would have acted otherwise. Ways that even YOU didn’t like about yourself, and are probably even a little bit ashamed to admit to now.
You started to see that even though it was something you saw going on with HIM that was at the root of the problem… YOU were the one who was reacting in ways that were tearing your relationship apart.
YOU couldn’t let go of the fear that was filling up inside you.
And as a result, you shut yourself off from him and from the pain to try and protect yourself.
But he wasn’t able to pull you up from this place of anxiety and frustration by reassuring you and giving you more love and understanding. And things eventually got even worse as he pulled further away.
In a way, your feelings and actions actually caused the final breakup that you had feared to begin with.
Does this situation sound familiar to you?
Have you ever felt so out of control or overwhelmed with a man that you ended up actually helping along the very situation you feared most?
Such as him LEAVING.
When a man you’re with starts to act “differently” – maybe he seems less interested in you, or doesn’t want to talk as much, or starts hanging out with his friends more – it can be very scary.
Immediately you think to yourself “What did I do to make him upset or angry?” or “How can I ‘get him back’ close to me again?”
That’s only natural and understandable.
However, acting out in a negative, emotionally-charged way only sets off a severe reaction where you might begin to act or think in destructive ways.
Some women even try and “pre-empt” the pain or fear that they feel by pulling away or getting distant FIRST.
Here are 3 of the most common ways women let fear get the better of them and end up making men want to pull away:
1. Becoming intensely negative, and accusing a man of abandoning them or wanting to leave when he acts “distant”. This could be statements like,
“You don’t love me anymore, do you?”
“I know you’re thinking of breaking up with me.”
“I can’t stand how you’re acting lately.”
2. Finding ways to hurt or reject the man they’re with inside the relationship before he can hurt THEM (this might include belittling, name-calling, “nagging”)
3. Acting out in ways that are sure to destroy the relationship… such as cheating.
If you’ve seen other women go through this, or you’ve done these yourself, then you already KNOW that these ways of dealing with problems, fear, or insecurity only get you farther away from what you want – love and a more secure relationship.
And sure, there’s almost nothing more frustrating than being dedicated and committed to a relationship, and then seeing that the other person isn’t as committed as you are. You might find yourself SO hurt or afraid because of this, that YOU become the one whose emotions and behavior push you even farther apart.
It’s enough to make you feel hopeless sometimes.
Like you’ll NEVER have a real and loving relationship.
Well, the reality is there’s something you CAN do that’s CERTAIN to get rid of the fears and insecurities that drive you and a man apart during the most critical of times.
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